"Whoever loses his life.."

Heard this song in the shower & started crying b/c God is so awesome! For many years i have struggled with fear, worry, and stress. Trying to figure everything out, trying to please this person, worried about opinions,& just trying to control everything. Since im such a private person it often tended to be a secret battle-to afraid let someone see me at a weak point or to know i too have weaknesses. Within the last couple months w/all God is doing, transitions&changes going on and just life itself,anxiety and worry for me went to a new level. I was literally to the point of exhaustion mentally and physically. The last couple weeks i was struggling  b/c i felt like i was losing control, i felt like i was sinking & my faith had started to waiver. I kept feeling like a crushing heaviness inside, but of course i kept it to myself. One day last week i woke in the middle of the night w/such a heaviness and saddness on me that i slid out of bed and began praying. I was crying&the Holy Spirit took over the prayer. The very next day my friend (who i told nothing to about what was going on )out the blue loving spoke TRUTH&told me i was not about to die where i was! She said dont let pride take me outta here by not allowing myself to open up to people who God has sent to help me. She even brought to my attention how everything was starting 2 effect my body(extreme weigthloss ect) which i honestly didnt recognize.God had been telling me to let go & trust him and to let go of control. Guess that was my wake up!My eyes were opened to exactly what stressing /worring was actually doing to me and how satan had been robbing me of my peace/joy & how i had let him! Last week i made up my mind to finally LET GO and LET GOD! To get out the way&trust God in all areas.And as a result these past couple of days have been like brand new! Like a sweet peace in God! Understand, stress/worry is a slow&silent killer.You cannot go thru life suppressing everything.Dont let ur pride cost you ur life! You better talk to someone. I will tell you what a wise person said to me "not everone is trying to hurt you!" Futhermore you dont have 2 figure it all out, give it to Jesus &trust him!#RESTORATION

Authentically You

Hey my blog loves! Man how time flies by.
I know i kinda fell off with my blog just dealing with everyday life BUT to God be the glory im still here, its a beautiful day that he has made and im rejoicing and glad in it! So my blog has been on my mind lately and i thought to myself how i wanted to get back to it. I figured today was perfect since i have something to share...

In this season, time and place in my life i know God is elevating me to higher levels of anoiting , knowledge, gifting just all around. But even with that sometimes its easy for fear or doubt to try to creep in. I found myself today wrestling with those issues. Last night we had an Intercessory Prayer meeting (Yes! Hooray hooray i finally acknowledged the prayer warrior God called me to be...after much back and fourth with him! Lol so yall pray for me because im in consecration right now) so anyway at our meeting we had to do prophetic activations which are excercises in learning to hear and lean on what the Holy Spirit is saying. During the excercise we had to tell our partner one word that we heard the Holy Spirit saying about them. Pause right here... So let me say, im in the best place i have ever been with the Lord. I have grown so much especially with recognizing when the Holy Spirit is speaking to me. I can tell i have gotten so much stronger. Even with that said last night i began to wrestle with intimidation, doubt and some fear. For some reason i was intimidated by the THOUGHT of not measuring up to other "more seasoned" intercesors. I was even battling wether i was hearing from God and i got fearful if i was giving my partner the right word. See i was allowing the enemy to make me question my gift and my own abilities. Even after i went home i kept feeling that worry or doubt. I knew it was not true but the enemy was really attacking my mind with doubt and fear and the question if i can really hear the Holy Spirit.

Anyhoo, fast foward to this morning i can still feel this same wrestle as i was trying to write something and was seeking the Holy Spirits guidence. I knew it was a lie and continued to press through. Now we get to this afternoon,since my church is doing a big Easter play i signed up to do makeup(quite naturally since im a makeup artist). Now i usually do more bridal type makeup and have NEVER done theatrical makeup before,so this will be my first time. That fact hit me when i was in there and i began to get nervous, worried and a little scared.  So many different thoughts are running through my head. Im like "Lord, i dont know how to do this!" "Lord i dont know where to begin with what i need!" The entire rehearsal my mind is just running.  I left rehersal came home sat in my car and began to pray. My head had started to hurt with all the warfare i recognized i had been dealing with since the night before. As i began to pray the Holy Spirit showed me what was happening. That i was not resting in God enough and that i had allowed satan to attack me with fear, worry, unbelief and doubt. He also showed me a point i had operated in pride(whole seperate story). See i was not speaking Gods word back to satan enough but instead i came into an agreement with the fear i was feeling. I continued to pray asking God to forgive me and casted down all those negative thoughts and worries. I began to proclaim Gods word over myself. Immediately the Holy spirit began to remind me that i dont have to fear because i have been uniquely made. He reminded me that it was my time and my season and that i just have to walk in it. He said just to be authentically Ciera and do everything as a servant to him then i dont have to worry or fear what others think or try to measure up to something.(which was exactly what my intercessor leader said last night, but i just understood it today) All of this im speaking out of my mouth as i feel lead by the spirit. Then my headache goes away.

I said all that to say that there will be times that the enemy tries to play tricks with your mind. He will try to get you to fear, doubt God or question the gifts and talents God has given you. I say to you dont let satan have any type of hold on you! As soon as he starts whispering lies to you, you must start speaking and proclaiming what God has said back to him. Only what God says matters. And dont allow yourself to feel less than, God has created you uniquely.  Psalm 139 says you are" fearfully and wonderfully made" that means he took his time designing you and placing things inside of you. Nothing God ever does is wasted so celebrate every thing God has given to you that makes you YOU! Its all for the purpose of glorifying him. When you understand that, then truly you will know that nobody can beat you at being you! God knows everything about you, how to speak to you and all that you need. He loves you just the way you are...

Snow Days

Happy Snow Day everyone! The snow is so beautiful. Its so white, clean and pure looking. It reminds me of who our Savior is and what he did for us. When he died on that cross for us many years ago. That single act cleansed us from all our sins, mistakes, shortcomings, bad decisions, wrong motives all our unrighteousness and it left us CLEAN! It left us freed to live life to the fullness God had intended for us since before we were formed in our mothers wombs.

So on this snow day use some time to get closer to the Father. Rest, relax and be at peace in him. May you be warm and cozy in him today!!

Im just about OVER IT!!

So is it me or does anyone else really HATE waiting?? Like seriously! And if i can be honest for just a moment, whats even worse is when you are waiting on the Lord! Now dont get me wrong i love me some Jesus ,but when it comes to making something happen that your expecting ...sometimes his time table and ours are two completely different things! Oh! and please dont get me started on this thing called a "process." Thats another word i could happily go the rest of my life without ever hearing again! It seems like everywhere you go and everything thing you do involves some type of process,be it long or short. Even chewing a piece of gum is a process. 1)Open wrapper, 2)take out gum, 3)insert gum in mouth. Process, process PROCESS! Yet and still i think im finally coming to grips with the fact that things like "waiting", "process", and "patience" are all an non- negotiable parts of this Christian walk. But what do you do when the wait and the process in between seems to become unbearable?  To add more fuel to the fire.. how do you handle it when God has given you a glimpse of what could be or what you have prayed for but yet is telling you to Wait? I pose these questions because like many others i find myself currently in that exact space. The space of "wait, just trust me!" Seems so simple when said or read in a book, but let me tell you my friends it is one of the hardest areas for me. Its like im so close to what God has promised that i can taste it but at the same time it feels like its many moons away. I have said things like "But God you know i have prayed and fasted for this!", "you know i have desired and searched for this!", "God you even allowed me to experience and get a glimpse of this so why are you asking for it back?" "Why are you telling me to wait and take my hands off of it when you know i trust you!" But the question for myself and for some of you is, do you really trust him? See trust is one of those caution-nerve -striking words. We dont like to talk about trust because trust requires us to give up control. Oh yes! I said it! See, trusting cannot just be something that is said but it must be displayed. When you really trust God you give him the reigns to operate when and HOW he wants to in your life. Trusting requires you to say to yourself "No! Even though i know how i can speed this process up im not going to do it!" Trusting says "No matter how long Lord im going to stand right here and wait!".  To make it plan Proverbs 3:5 tells us clearly: "Trust in the Lord God with all your heart and lean not to your own understand in all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path." Gods thoughts are different from our own faulty thinking. He sees the big picture with things as we only see a small window. Thats why he tells us not to lean to our own understanding. He knows all the potholes and curves that our natural eyes cant see and wants to guide us around all of that in order to make our journey as smooth as possible. Being that he is the creator Jeremiah 25:11 says it best: "For I KNOW the plans i have for you. Plans to prosper you and never to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." Its only God who knows what steps we should take to make this the best life possible. Needless to say in order for those plans to happen, it often requires us to undergo a process of some sort. Now like i stated before im not a fan of the process. Matter a fact if there was anyway around it i would be the first one to op out of it! One thing that the Holy spirit countines to remind me of even now as im going through my own process of waiting is that: at the end it will all be worth it! What do i mean? I mean nothing God does is ever just because, there is always a rhyme and reason so it will be better for us when we get to our destination. If he has you going through any type of process understand its for your good. I believe more than anything God does not want us to focus on the process or current situation he wants us to focus on him.(Luke 12:31) When we take our eyes off of our current situation and put them on Jesus it allows us to form a deeper relationship with him, which inturns enables us to trust him,  which then gives us an inner peace about what we are hoping for. It also allows him to speak to us and puts us in a better posture to recieve and hear from him. Often times when that happens God is able to use that time to develope and mature us more while we wait. Maybe God needs more time to purge you? Maybe he needs more time to organize something in the atmosphere in order to get something to you? Or maybe he simply wants you and him to deepen your relationship, he wants to give you a chance to know him better. I assure you that whatever the reason even though it sometimes feels like it, the process is not to punish you. Its often times to prepare you for what is to come! Like i said before and the Bible repeats countless times that Gods timing is perfect. Galatians 6:9 says it like this: "Be not weary in well doing for at the PROPER time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up!" So i say to you hold strong to your time of waiting and your ordained process. The scripture proves that there WILL come a time that it will be over, its just up to you to stay focused and to not throw in the towel. So to answer the question i posed at the beginning..When the wait and process seems to get unbearable we must focus our attention and trust toward Jesus and off of the waiting. Let him do what he needs to do in order to bring about the great plans he has promised us. Yes, it stinks and Yes, it sometimes sucks but i  have complete faith in God that we both will make it through this together. I have confidence that at the end of it, God is going to blow our minds! Stay blessed yall!

Rebirth, Refocus, Recommitment

I originally started this blog in an attempt to really focus on enjoying all of lifes moments. To take everything we may go through and look at it in the lens of inspiration, learning lesson and chosing to stay free, choosing not to stress and be truly happy with inner peace and joy that only can come from Jesus, the one who is never suprised by what may come up in our daily lifes journey. Truth is somewhere down the line i had fallen off. Not from my love of Jesus Christ but in taking everything that He allows to happen and choosing to focus on the good in it instead of the bad. Through the hustle and bustle the stresses and stuggles of the year i had fallen off the horse of being mindful in it all of how blessed i really am. Lifes situations had boggled me down to where in some circumstances it was just extremely hard to see the positive. Not to mention just the natural changes of places, people and shift of seasons we may go through on this Christian journey. Blogging really was the very last thing on my mind. But!! Glory be God that he will show you yourself! This past week God has shown me some things and areas that i fell off on, things i was good at and enjoyed doing and other things that i have been procrasting on that need to be done. Needless to say one of those things was my blog! I do love to write, for me its like an outlet but also i believe that it is one of the ways God uses my gift to bless others. So along with some other things, God had to refocus me. And i have decided to readjust and recommit to the things he had shown me. Thankful to be able to pick up and start walking again! With that being said its go time!! The goal of this blog still remains the same.  I want everyone to be inspired, to know that every day is truly a gift and even in less than appealing situations and circumstances you can still be happy with joy, while learning the lessons that will take you to your next level. So guys wherever you find yourself at right now know that it is never to late to start living your life to the fullest, its never to late to try again and its never to late to really ENJOY LIFE!!

The Potters Wheel

I have been gone from my blog for a while. Somehow it got neglected with the hustle and bustle of life. One of my goals this year was to get back to it. So what better time to start then now...

I just had a moment! I was laying in my bed sulking, feeling totally drained from the week. This week has been really hard and extremely mentally frustrating for me. Mostly because of my job and what im facing there. You know.. not feeling appriciated, overlooked, overwhelmed, confused, the thoughts of "what do you people want from me?!" and the regular frustration that comes from working with a "challenging" type of boss..if you know what i mean!. Not to mention the delimma im facing dealing with my car or lack there of now since two weeks ago i was rear ended and it totalled my car...Now im without! So with all that going on everyday satan has literally been waging war on my mind. I have felt overwhelmed, frustrated, anxiety tons of confusion and anger. To the point it was inteferring with my sleep at night. Today i just wanted to come home to my bed and do NOTHING! I was feeling totally discouraged and low. With everything going on i didnt even feel like praying or reading my word this week and when i did it was kinda whatever not whole heartedly. So guilt had began to seep in because i knew i should be doin better. I just havent be feeling it or being able to feel or hear God for that matter! I could feel depression was trying (and possible at that point winning) in an attempt to consume me. I went to do what we all do when we feel like we need a release or escape from whats going on ..VENT ON AND DROWN MYSELF IN SOCIAL MEDIA, but then i thought to myself (thanks to the Holy Spirit) "this is pointless" and "you need to come outta this!" So i stopped and deleated what i was about to post and began to pray. Right as i lay on my back in bed i began to speak to satan. I began to rebuke and cast down everything that i was and had been feeling. I started to bind up every mental and satanic stronghold of my mind and began to declare things over myself while pleading the blood over myself. As im praying i then starting talking to God. I start saying things like: "i know that everything im going through is for my good and for his glory. I know he is just streatching me and molding me. I know he is expanding me and developing me and if he brought me to it he could get me through it. That he has eqquiped me for what i am facing!" And in that moment the Holy Spirit brought back a song by Marvin Sapp (Hands on you) to my rememberance. In that song Marvin starts talking about being on the potters wheel and it not feeling good and just trusting God has you, which is what God was reminding me of. Cuz Lord knows it doesnt feel good sometimes..smh... I feel the tears start to roll as im thanking God and declaring his peace to over me and my mind that has been on 10,000 all week! Im then reminded of a scripture, Psalm 91 to be exact about resting in God. I open my bible and read it. It did my heart great joy and sealed what God has been saying to me all week. You see i havent been resting in God and in his power of fully submitting. With my know-it-all, my- way -or -the -highway, need to sit down and submit self I have  been trying to do things in my own strength. Trying to figure out all the answers and  I have been trying to fight battles and warfare the carnal way and not seeking God so i could fight the right way : by the Spirit! I had been allowing the enemy to get the best of me and play with my mind instead of using the  authority given to me to shut him up. See satan has a way of magnifying everything going wrong in your life or every offense times 30! He wants to get your focus off God but when we do that then we start looking at circumstances, problems and people and we become ill prepared to handle the attacks and warfare coming against us. The result :we act from flesh(in our own way/thoughts ) and respond to our feelings not from the Spirit(Gods way/thinking) where we resond in faith. We have to change our perspective to that of Christ in every situation and cast down all the contrary thoughts that come up, if not satan will continue to rehearse those negative things over and over. He will beat down your brain till you feel drained, despondent, depressed and hopeless.Its like the domino effect: Situation+negative thought=negative feeling(frustration, tired, guilt, CONFUSION, anger)then next thing you know you have no energy ,your sitting in a dark room by yourself eating bon bons! One thing  leads to another, which is where i was.. just in a dark place. BUT coming before my Father: reading that scripture, praying and using my authority to step on satans head i felt a release. Released from the negative thoughts, the lies and low feelings into a place of power and peace! Feeling like "Lord you got me!" What am i saying? Im saying to you.. trust in the Lord &bring all your burdens to him. Let him LEAD you in all areas (trust me im learning). I know it doesnt feel good and heck if your like me you just dont know what God is doing! You dont know all the answers but guess what??..God does! Gaurd your heart and mind, dont give satan the satisfaction of having you stuck in days of frustration and confusion to the point you feel like giving up. Shut his mouth from the beginning by casting down those negative thoughts down and replacing them with what God has said. It may not look like it and you may not feel it at that time but God is not a man that he should lie, if he said it.. its true! If your facing difficulties cling more to HIM dont let the enemy make you feel you have to run and hide, You are Gods child and he loves you! Lastly, remember being on the Potters wheel DOESNT FEEL GOOD but in the end it will benefit you and you will understand its necessity in due time. His way are simply not our ways ,we are just the clay not the artist...be blessed yall!

Gods been good!

Lets go on a ride.Can we say RATCHET!! I seen this pic today and started shaking my head and laughing. The thing is its not funny at all. See that pic on the left was taken in 2007-2008 i had not to long gotta out of a horrible relationship and little did i know i was about to head right back into another one. In this pic i was clearly so drunk. I mean look at my face, my clothes, posing on pool tables in the club! Cmon now, im talkin straight tow up from the flo up wasted. Around this time i was parting hard i had took on an attitude of "i dont care i just wanna be free and live my life doing what i want!" So i started to go out of town every weekend and party and drink with a friend. For me it was a total ESCAPE from everything! From life, from rules, but mostly from the hurt &pain i was feeling inside that NO ONE knew about. My mind was GONE and my heart..broken. I was very confused, self worth was non existent and felt so rejected &worthless.So i would drink and party to avoid it. Which did nothing but numb me and get me into another bad 4yr relationship which added more heartbreak, damaging self esteem and baggage than before. Then i got saved, i stop drinking, stopped partying and got into church.God literally saved my mind! Now fast forward to the women on the right. Yup thats me now. Older, wiser and sold out for Jesus. See alot of people dont understand why i worship God like i do. Why i live like i do. People like to say "you so deep!" Or "Lord, Cici so Holy" or look at me sideways because i dont drink or hang with everybody or do what everyones doing. And to all that i say YES YOU ARE SO RIGHT! I am deep. Maybe you are just to shallow? I am holy and pure just like my father. Maybe you have not really been washed yet? And i cant hang and go with everyone cuz everyone cant have access to my anointing! Maybe you just dont see your power or worth yet? All i know is that God took that girl on the left whos life was headed down a path of destruction and turned her into that girl on the right who is bold and confident and has a heart totally devoted to Jesus and his righteousness! He changed me!All im saying is If he did it for me he can do it 4 you! #Jesus