I have been gone from my blog for a while. Somehow it got neglected with the hustle and bustle of life. One of my goals this year was to get back to it. So what better time to start then now...
I just had a moment! I was laying in my bed sulking, feeling totally drained from the week. This week has been really hard and extremely mentally frustrating for me. Mostly because of my job and what im facing there. You know.. not feeling appriciated, overlooked, overwhelmed, confused, the thoughts of "what do you people want from me?!" and the regular frustration that comes from working with a "challenging" type of boss..if you know what i mean!. Not to mention the delimma im facing dealing with my car or lack there of now since two weeks ago i was rear ended and it totalled my car...Now im without! So with all that going on everyday satan has literally been waging war on my mind. I have felt overwhelmed, frustrated, anxiety tons of confusion and anger. To the point it was inteferring with my sleep at night. Today i just wanted to come home to my bed and do NOTHING! I was feeling totally discouraged and low. With everything going on i didnt even feel like praying or reading my word this week and when i did it was kinda whatever not whole heartedly. So guilt had began to seep in because i knew i should be doin better. I just havent be feeling it or being able to feel or hear God for that matter! I could feel depression was trying (and possible at that point winning) in an attempt to consume me. I went to do what we all do when we feel like we need a release or escape from whats going on ..VENT ON AND DROWN MYSELF IN SOCIAL MEDIA, but then i thought to myself (thanks to the Holy Spirit) "this is pointless" and "you need to come outta this!" So i stopped and deleated what i was about to post and began to pray. Right as i lay on my back in bed i began to speak to satan. I began to rebuke and cast down everything that i was and had been feeling. I started to bind up every mental and satanic stronghold of my mind and began to declare things over myself while pleading the blood over myself. As im praying i then starting talking to God. I start saying things like: "i know that everything im going through is for my good and for his glory. I know he is just streatching me and molding me. I know he is expanding me and developing me and if he brought me to it he could get me through it. That he has eqquiped me for what i am facing!" And in that moment the Holy Spirit brought back a song by Marvin Sapp (Hands on you) to my rememberance. In that song Marvin starts talking about being on the potters wheel and it not feeling good and just trusting God has you, which is what God was reminding me of. Cuz Lord knows it doesnt feel good sometimes..smh... I feel the tears start to roll as im thanking God and declaring his peace to over me and my mind that has been on 10,000 all week! Im then reminded of a scripture, Psalm 91 to be exact about resting in God. I open my bible and read it. It did my heart great joy and sealed what God has been saying to me all week. You see i havent been resting in God and in his power of fully submitting. With my know-it-all, my- way -or -the -highway, need to sit down and submit self I have been trying to do things in my own strength. Trying to figure out all the answers and I have been trying to fight battles and warfare the carnal way and not seeking God so i could fight the right way : by the Spirit! I had been allowing the enemy to get the best of me and play with my mind instead of using the authority given to me to shut him up. See satan has a way of magnifying everything going wrong in your life or every offense times 30! He wants to get your focus off God but when we do that then we start looking at circumstances, problems and people and we become ill prepared to handle the attacks and warfare coming against us. The result :we act from flesh(in our own way/thoughts ) and respond to our feelings not from the Spirit(Gods way/thinking) where we resond in faith. We have to change our perspective to that of Christ in every situation and cast down all the contrary thoughts that come up, if not satan will continue to rehearse those negative things over and over. He will beat down your brain till you feel drained, despondent, depressed and hopeless.Its like the domino effect: Situation+negative thought=negative feeling(frustration, tired, guilt, CONFUSION, anger)then next thing you know you have no energy ,your sitting in a dark room by yourself eating bon bons! One thing leads to another, which is where i was.. just in a dark place. BUT coming before my Father: reading that scripture, praying and using my authority to step on satans head i felt a release. Released from the negative thoughts, the lies and low feelings into a place of power and peace! Feeling like "Lord you got me!" What am i saying? Im saying to you.. trust in the Lord &bring all your burdens to him. Let him LEAD you in all areas (trust me im learning). I know it doesnt feel good and heck if your like me you just dont know what God is doing! You dont know all the answers but guess what??..God does! Gaurd your heart and mind, dont give satan the satisfaction of having you stuck in days of frustration and confusion to the point you feel like giving up. Shut his mouth from the beginning by casting down those negative thoughts down and replacing them with what God has said. It may not look like it and you may not feel it at that time but God is not a man that he should lie, if he said it.. its true! If your facing difficulties cling more to HIM dont let the enemy make you feel you have to run and hide, You are Gods child and he loves you! Lastly, remember being on the Potters wheel DOESNT FEEL GOOD but in the end it will benefit you and you will understand its necessity in due time. His way are simply not our ways ,we are just the clay not the artist...be blessed yall!
